woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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