it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
