Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my being single is dangerous.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
