you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
