i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
