So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
