So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
