And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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