my mouth tastes like poor choices
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
