Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
