dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
