May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
