She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
