wake up i wanna do it froggy style
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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