I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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