I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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