At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
