In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
