I'm jealous of your bromance
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
