Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
