Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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