just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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