she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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