i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
