please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
