I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
