Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
