Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
