I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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