we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So much rum. So many feels.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You're breaking my sexual little heart
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
