I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
