Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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