real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
That's intense
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
