i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
