dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
