I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
