We won't sleep together?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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