Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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