Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
