Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
