Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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