God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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