after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
