I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
