STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
