I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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