I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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