In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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