new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
