At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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