nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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