I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
