Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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