My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
