wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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