I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
